FMA Crack
by Pairing-Nazi
Summary: It's in script text. Martel got pregnet with Greeds kid. Now nine months later she goes into labor. It's crack. What more do I need to say?


Martel: 'while trying to strangle Greed' YOU DID THIS TO ME YOU PRICK!

Greed: Now Martel. Don't be hasty about this. You're hurting yourself more than me.

Hughes: 'with a video camera' Wow this is so magical!

Envy: EEEEEWWWW!

Archer: Uh... wow.

Gluttony: 'Oo doesn't know what's going on'

Ed: It's the miracle of Birth!

Gluttony: Look more like chimera trying to kill Greed.

Ed: ... yeah there's that too.

Gluttony: Does Greed to die for exchange for baby?

Ed: ... Gluttony this isn't alchemy . there's no equivalent exchange crap, just giving life. Hmmm... I wonder if it come out alive or in an egg?

Gluttony: Come out of where?

Ed: ... Lust please explain that part to Gluttony O.o I'm not going there!

Lust: ... Out of the second hole between a woman's legs...

Martel: LET ME STRANGLE YOU GREED!

Greed: HELL NO!

Dorochet: WILL SHE LAY EGGS OR NOT? ANSWER ME!

Winry: STOP YELLING!

Hughes: I'm so sending this to AFV.

Gluttony: Oh... learn something new today.

Al: I learn something to, Martel is scary Oo

Gluttony: Oh, maybe she lay egg, like chicken .

Martel: 'starts to strangle Gluttony' IF I LAIED EGGS I WOULDN'T STILL BE PREGNANT AFTER 9 MONTHS!

Kimbley: Any one have a tranquilizer for this monster?

Gluttony: 'can't breath'

Al: He a simpleton Martel, he didn't want to offend you

Alex Louis Armstrong: Is there any way I can help flexes muscle with pink sparkly things dance around him

Al: Well you could try to save Gluttony...

Alex Louis Armstrong: Hey I'm strong, but I'm not stupid enough to mess with a women in the process of giving birth Oo

Al: and I thought you where the Strong Arm Alchemist!

Armstrong: But compared to a woman I'm nothing!

Izumi: Now Martel, dear. Let Gluttony go and squeeze my hand.

Martel lets Gluttony go and grabs Izumi's hand

CRACK!

Izumi: Wow... she... broke my hand...

Al and Ed: TEACHER!

Gluttony: pants Oh my, didn't think lady Chimera was so strong.

Roy Mustang: Wow... Should I get a doctor for you? 'talking to Izumi'

Gluttony: I'm hungry...

Izumi: No worries. It's not to bad.

Envy: You can eat the baby when it's born, Gluttony. D

Gluttony: Oh, really? 'licks his lips' Come on out baby!

Greed: Gluttony if you even try to eat my child, I will rip your tong out so many times it won't grow back.

Lust: ENVY!

Ed: OO

Gluttony: eep... scary! 'hides behind Lust'

Al: Envy that wasn't very nice at all, you shouldn't encourage him to do stuff that he'll get hurt if he tries. Can't you even be nice to your fellow Homunculi?

Envy: Pfft... I make every one miserable for my enjoyment. Especially you and your brother.

Hoenhiem: What a terrible creature I created.

Ed: OO Something's peaking!

Greed: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU EVEN LOOKING THERE?

Gluttony: 'waddles over to Martel and looks' ewww... icky! 'goes back to hiding behind Lust'

Al: Envy... your one weird freaky... thing...

Huges: ZOMG! THE BABY IS ABOUT TO BE BORN!

Greed faints

Kimbley: Woopdy flip'in doo.

Gluttony: 'looks at Greed on the ground' Oo did he die?

Al: I think he just fainted; he'll be fine soon... Once the baby is here everything will be fine .

Gluttony: Hey! What Chimera + Homunculus make anyway?

Ed: Wow, good question. Hmmm... chances are it will be born with a soul so it couldn't be a homunculus. So chances are good it will be a chimera... I don't know, I'm not a medical doctor 

Lao: I say 40 human, 10 snake, and 50 Homunculus.

Martel: If anyone forgot, I'm about to give birth...

Sloth: Who here has delivered a baby?

Huges points at Ed

Ed: Oh crud, Not again Ok, lets get this baby out... uhh... I'd push if I were you Martel.

Gluttony: Baby stuck?

Al: Not exactly

Martel strains

Greed wakes up

Greed: What did I miss?

Lust: Nothing really.

Sloth: I'll help you Edward.

Ed: Thanks Sloth... never expected to say that in my life x.x

Gluttony: Baby come yet?

Al: no!

Gluttony: ... now?

Al: NO!

Gluttony: How long does it take?

Al: A while, it's different from women to women. Just be patient .

Gluttony: frowns and sits on the ground, putting his right index finger into his mouth

Sloth: Well you did create me, so I thought I should help.

Dante: Oh brother...

Martel: OW! DX

Dorochet: Why don't you just stretch Martel?

Ed: Hey, that's true.

Al: Maybe she has it stretch out to maximum. or maybe it's only her limbs that can stretch Oo

Gluttony: gets up and chews on some bodies arm

Barry the Chopper: 'is chewed on Oo'

Al: Lust, for Gluttony's safety I think you should give him something else to chew on 

Lust gives Gluttony a bag of jaw breakers

Lust: Suck on them.

Martel: I can only stretch my armsssss 'hisses' and legs.

Greed: There there doll, deep breaths.

Sloth: I see the head. Wrath get me a clean towel.

Gluttony: 'sucks on jaw breakers'

Wrath: 'knocks over stuff as he searches for a towel'

Al: here 'gives him a towel'

Wrath: uh... thank you! 'runs over and give it to Sloth'

Sloth: Thank you Wrath. .

Envy: 'looks' EWWWWWW!

Huges: Smile for the camera Martel!

Martel: 'straining' Get... that... thing... OUT of my face.

Barry the Chopper: Can I cut the umbilical cord?

Ed: Barry, I don't thrust you. Plus it should be the father.

Al: Envy, birth isn't supposed to be pretty though it is beautiful in a sense.

Gluttony: 'waits in suspense'

Sloth: The head is out!

Baby: Nwaaah!

Greed:3

Wrath: 'hand over ears DX' MAKE IT SHUTUP!

Lust grabs Scar and kisses him

Gluttony: 'stares at Lust' Oo 'starts crying'

Al: awww...'pat pats'

Gluttony: LEAVE ME ALONE! 'runs out'

-Gluttony has left the building-

Ed: Good work Martel!

Scar: ... Weird...

Gluttony reappears in the building XD

Lust gives Gluttony fifty kisses

Sloth: It's a girl. Huh?

Martel: What?

Gluttony: smiles Uhhh... why you kiss him? 'points at Scar' He's just a stupid Ishbalen!

Al: he does have a name, even though I'm pretty sure it isn't his real name.

Ed: What is it Sloth?

Lust: I was trying to make him say some thing. And I was caught it the happy moment.

Scar: It's my name now, for I do not deserve the name I was given at birth.

Kimbley: 'to Scar' I WILL BLOW YOU UP!

Sloth: I see... another head...

Greed: Oo

Gluttony: Is two headed? Oo

Al: I think she means another baby . ... at least I hope she does.

Gluttony: Please don't kiss Ishbalen man again, makes me feel sad

Barry the Chopper: Hey, you can't kill Scar, that's my job! 'takes out a meat cleaver'

Lao knocks out Kimbley and sits on Barry

Lao: No fighting or killing.

Lust: Okay. 'pats Gluttony'

second baby comes out

Sloth: It's a boy. wraps the baby in a towel Here Al hold the girl for me, and Ed you take this little rascal.

Ed: Ok. 'holds the boy baby'

Al: Awwww... she's too cute :3 she looks like Greed I think.

Barry: No killing. That's no fun 'would pout if he could'

Gluttony: 'smiles'

the baby boy grabs Ed's hair and pulls hard

Martel: ... There so adorable she 'strokes the baby girl's face' How can you love someone so much if you only just met them?

Greed: No clue. But I know how you feel. What will we name them? Any suggestions guys?

Gluttony: Pie?

Al: There not food Gluttony .

Ed: Ow... my head x.o

Gluttony: Uhhh... Greed Jr.? Sorry, not much imagination...

Al: How bout... Calsifer for the boy?

Dorochet: And how about that pet name Greed calls you, Martel?

Martel: Doll? Marta?

Loa: I like Marta.

Scar: snort Bonny...

Al: It's the thought that counts! T.T

Hoenhiem: How bout Tricia?

Kimbley wakes up

Kimbley: Did I... Miss anything?

Barry the Chopper: How about Bloody Mary for the girl?

Al: Barry, that's not a very good name. Marry is but putting Bloody in front is sorta weird

Gluttony: I think Marta is bestest name up to now.

Al: Oh, Kimbley. You haven't miss too much, were just thinking of names for the twins

Barry the Chopper: Aww...

Martel: I like Marta too, Gluttony. 'stretches arm so she can pat him on the head'

Kimbley: WTF? Twins? I must be in hell...

Chimera Tucker: There both very cute. 'reaches out to touch the baby girl'

Oldest Slicer Brother: I think Marta is a good name. Don't you think so little brother?

Younger Slicer Brother: Yes that's a wonderful name .

Gluttony: Hee hee

Al: I can assure you were not in Hell Kimbley. Now we need a good name for the boy.

Ed: 'looks at Tucker with mistrust' . 

Tucker: Why are you looking at me like that Edward?

Kimbley: I'll never get any sleep...

Dante: Oh, this reminds me when I gave birth to you Envy-poo.

Envy: You did not. That was the boy that I was molded after.

Ed: Oh nothing...

Scar: I like Calsifer...

Al: I like it.

Gluttony: Nice name! Nice name!

Barry the Chopper: How bout Bloody Bob?

Al: No...

Barry the Chopper: Darn it all 

Al: What do you think Martel? You like Calsifer?

Martel: I love it, it's so different.

Greed: Like my name!

Tucker: It's because of Nina isn't it?

Martel: Ed, Al, please hand me my children.

Greed: D I want hold one two! 'greediness is obvious'

Martel: Sure, Ed let Greed hold his son.

Ed: 'gives Greed his son'

Al: 'gives Martel her daughter'

Gluttony: My name different too I got it cause I eat... everything... I'm hungry again ; . ;

Ed: Sorry Tucker, I just don't trust you anymore. You've been too bad to be trusted again, so yeah it's because of Nina. Plus your upside down head just creeps me out Oo Even more than Gluttony...

Gluttony: XP

Tucker: What is it with everyone and the fact that my head is upside-down?

by a twist of fait Nina appears

Nina: Daddy! 'hugs Tucker' Alexander is tackling all da doctors. sees Ed Hi little big bruder!

Greed: He's so tiny... I'm afraid I'll break him...

Martel: to Marta You have your daddy's eyes.

Envy: Ya know... they are kind of cute...

Gluttony: Much cuter than Envy 'laughs'

Ed: Hey Nina where'd you come from?

Al: OH NO, Alexander might attack my kitties rounds them up

Barry the Chopper: If you're afraid you'll break your kid, I can break your kid for ya then you won't have to worry anymore.

Al: ... For crying out loud.

Greed: 'tosses Barry out the window' AND DON'T COME BACK!

Nina: I dun know. My mommy?

Ed: AL GET RID OF THOSE DAMN CATS!

Martel: They must be hungry.

Greed: Yea. hands Calsifer to Martel

Lust: Oh god no...

Wrath: What are those Mommy?

Sloth: ... Uh...

Gluttony: Yeah, what are those Wrath's mommy?

Al: Finds the cats all homes and returns ; . ; You're so mean nii-san!

Barry The Chopper: 'is tossed out a window' Oo

Havoc: 'nosebleeds'

Ed: 'to Nina' I meant where have you been hiding for all this time, I was sure last time I checked you turn into a chimera and died O.o

Sloth: 'to Gluttony and Wrath' They have many names. There called breasts. Woman have them to supply food for their newborn children.

Greed: I always thought they were there to--

Lust covers Greed's mouth

Lust: That's enough out of you.

Riza: 'takes out gun and points it at Havoc' PUT THAT CIGERET OUT! THERE ARE INFANTS IN HERE!

Nina: This is a story... So anythin can happen.

Ed: We can't keep them! When I get you body back I'll get you a  
kitten!

Greed: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING LOOKING AT MY WOMAN!

Havoc: I think I'm going to leave before I get killed. 'jumps out the window'

Barry the Chopper: outside Hooray, someone I can hack.

screaming is heard outside

Al: still cries ; . ; but I want one now!

Gluttony: Oh...learning allot today O.o

Riza goes to window and shoots Barry

Riza: No killing!

Ed: FINE! But it has to stay with Winry.

Al: YAY!

Envy: 'sarcasm' Good for you Gluttony.

Gluttony: Thank you!

Wrath: I'm learning too!

Martel: I'm so tiered. Will you leave please? I need sleep, but you stay Greed.

Everyone but Greed: Okay! Bye!

The End.


End file.
